Home for the Holiday
by Ranger-Nova
Summary: It's that special time of the year, and for once Warp has the day off. But he should have known the universe wouldn't let him have nice things...


**A/N:** I wrote this last year, kind of as a companion piece to Together, but never got around to posting it. It's still a bit rough, but enjoy!

* * *

Warp whistled a merry tune to himself as he strolled down the hall. Most years, he wouldn't dare showing even a hint of the Holiday spirit while he was on Planet Z, but this year was different.

He grinned as a Grub passed by, decked out in a garish sweater. The palace was quiet for once; even the distant clamour of the factories was missing. All the Grubs and Brain Pods seemed to be heading to one of the lower levels for some festive gathering he'd heard them whispering about. Warp hadn't been invited, but this didn't bother him. He had his own plans.

As he made his way towards the landing bay where his ship was parked, he heard a voice call out behind him. "Darkmatter! Going somewhere?"

Warp froze. "Uh, yeah, Z," he answered, turning to see the emperor standing in a doorway, arms folded across his chest. "You gave me the day off, remember?"

Zurg frowned. "Yes, I did. No work today. No schemes." His frown increased.

"Right. Thanks again, by the way. Really appreciate it. Well, I'd better—"

"It was all that idiotic management consultant of mine's idea," Zurg continued, circling around Warp. "'Give your staff the Holiday off,' he said. 'It'll make them work even harder in the new year.' Well, we can all guess how likely _that_ is! Look at them—they're all going to party their worthless hides off tonight and then be too burned out to even come in tomorrow morning!"

Warp just nodded, wishing he'd been quicker to the landing bay. If Zurg cancelled his day off now, all his plans went right out the window.

"Still," Zurg sighed, "I suppose it's worth a try. We have to boost productivity around here _somehow_." He eyed Warp. "So where are you going? Off to party like the rest of them, I suppose?"

"Having a quiet dinner at home, actually," said Warp.

"Oh? That's not like you, Darkmatter. Are you ill?" Zurg sounded more curious than concerned. "If you have to get sick, today's a good day for it. Saves me from having to give you _two_ days off. Perhaps you should be in bed."

Warp grinned. "That's the plan."

"Eh?"

"I've got a date. Monica—she owns the moon next to mine. I told you about her, didn't I?"

Zurg rolled his eyes. "Darkmatter, you do realise I've never once actually _listened_ when you've started rambling on about your personal life, don't you?"

"Hey, I have to listen to you when you start monologuing about crushing Star Command, defeating Buzz Lightyear, blablabla."

"That's different! That's _important._ "

"So is my sex life."

"Now, let's not make this conversation awkward."

 _Do we have any other kind of conversation?_ Warp sighed. "Alright, now that we've gotten the customary arguing out the way, can I go? I need to get started on dinner."

Shrugging, Zurg turned away. "Yes, yes, go. I'm sure I can do without you for one day. It's not like you're much use when you're here."

"Great, see you." Warp saluted and took a step forward.

"I suppose I'll sit in the throne room and do crosswords," Zurg mumbled. "Not much else going on today..."

Warp kept walking.

"I didn't even get an invite to the Grubs' party, you know," Zurg went on. "A bit ungrateful if you ask me. I'm the one who's letting them hold it."

 _Just keep walking_.

"I suppose _you'll_ have a good time. Spending the Holiday with someone you care about—how cliche. How dull. Well, it's not for me," said Zurg. "The one good thing about this ridiculous Holiday is I'll have the palace all to myself. Just me. Peace and quiet at last."

Warp ground his teeth together. _Just keep walking._

"So... your moon... nice this time of year, is it?"

Taking a deep breath, Warp turned around. "Zurg," he said, hating himself more with each second, "would you like to join me and Monica for the Holiday?"

The emperor's gaze lifted from the floor. "Oh, _please_ , why would I want to spend it with _you?_ " he snorted, giving Warp a moment of hope. "Still," he continued, and Warp's heart sank, "I suppose if you _really_ want to have me over..."

"Yeah. Yeah, sure." Warp sighed, resigned to his fate. "I insist."

"Excellent!" Clasping his hands together behind his back, Zurg followed after Warp. "With what I pay you, I know it'll be a first-class dinner. Which means there'd better be shrimp! And I don't eat anything containing nuts—allergies, you know." For someone who had tried to destroy the Holiday only two years before, he was sounding awfully enthusiastic about it. "And of course you must introduce me to this Monica person. Come to think of it, I do remember you mentioning her after all—an arms dealer, yes? She and I could talk business over dinner!"

 _Great._ Warp shut his eyes and tried not to think about the wonderful evening that was slipping through his fingers. If he'd just gone to his ship a little earlier...

"You'll be serving hot chocolate, I presume? I love hot chocolate. Mind you, it had better have those little marshmallows in it! And when we pull open the crackers, I get to keep all the prizes—comes with being an evil emperor, you know. Oh, and no carolling. If you feel like breaking out in festive cheer, _don't._ And I want..."

The pair continued down the hall, Warp slowly beginning to wish he'd never gotten the day off at all.


End file.
